Sentmom's Blog

October 11, 2015

A Little Truth

Filed under: religious — by sentmom @ 12:45 pm

Dearest Father,

I have made worshiping you and serving you all about me, about my role about my title, my skill.  Now you are giving me the chance to be someone else, someone without a title, a role, a ministry.  Thank you for the truth that my life is really just a reflection of you to the world.  Let the simplicity of faith consume me and give me all that I need to live a life pleasing to you.

Amen

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October 8, 2015

Idols and misplaced trust

Filed under: religious — by sentmom @ 12:20 pm

Am I still a sent mom even when I am not ‘sent’ anymore?

If I return to my “home” country who will I be?

How will I find my value if I am not serving the poor in a third world country or penetrating the darkness of a culture that doesn’t understand who God is?

These are the questions I am asking as I pack my things and prepare to leave 22 years of official service with my organization.  No really it is more time than that, because I spent many years preparing for serving.  I studied, I dreamed, I prayed many years before I actually went.  Do I need to change the name of my blog?  Do I stop being sent because I am not officially on a list somewhere or in someones prayer notebook?  I am hurting and asking God to give me answers.

Here is the verse I have on my heart today….In returning and resting you shall be saved….in quietness and in confidence shall be your strength…..Isaiah 30:15

This verse is in a long lesson for people who were worshiping idols and trusting in their own strength.  So now I repent of worshiping my mission organization, I repent of trusting in others who led me and making them idols before the living God.

I have that tendency to idolatry.  It is part of my sinful nature.  Now I have a chance to walk away from part of that in my life and I take it with both hands.

I repent of trusting in myself and my own safe arrangements of my future.  I choose instead to trust in Him who has faithfully led me all of these years.

As I keep reading that chapter in Isaiah I come across another promise for those who apply its truths….And your ears will hear a word behind you saying, this is the way; walk in it, when you turn to the right and to the left…. Isaiah 30:21.

September 6, 2015

Listening in the midst of a storm….

Filed under: religious — by sentmom @ 6:31 pm

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Your words were found and I ate them, And Your words became for me a joy and the delight of my heart: For I have been called by Your name, O Lord God of hosts     Jeremiah 15:16

Many years ago when I first found out about who Jesus was and what He wanted to do for me, I memorized these words.  Now 30 years later, I found them again in His Word.  And once again I am finding the joy that comes from fixing my eyes on something bigger and grander than me and my problems and concerns.  There is a seismic shift happening in my life right now that I can’t control anymore than I can control the earthquakes in my beloved Guatemala.  Everything is shaking and I am not sure where to take my next step, but thanks to this verse I know where to look before I take that step.  I am important, I am called by His name.  I am not just a nameless bunch of cells put here to evolve and reproduce, I am called by His name.  I can experience joy in what He tells me, what He asks me to do.  While my earth is shaking, my eyes and heart are rejoicing.  He is the same God that called me to Himself 30 years ago, He is the same God that led me into war zones and led me out safely.  He is the same God that brought me  a husband and then my two precious children when I thought I would live my life  single and childless.  Yes the earth is shaking but His word tells me that I am important, that I am unique and special, not just chance.  He is the same God that told me all those years ago that I could make a difference in the world around me and proceeded to use me for just that purpose from the moment He called me by His name.

So yes, my earth is shaking and I am not sure when it will stop, but I stand on all of His word that is for me a joy and a delight.

March 2, 2015

Reflection on 1Corinthians chapter 3

Filed under: religious — by sentmom @ 12:09 pm

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God is the architect, I follow His plans

The days, the months are in His hands

Sometimes I plant, sometimes I sow

Sometimes I stay, sometimes I go

Every breath is by His grace

Every step His will to trace

Months and days seem my reality

But in His hand I glimpse eternity

February 23, 2015

Singing for Him

Filed under: religious — by sentmom @ 8:51 pm

Sunday night my husband and I went to a small church in one of the more problematic parts of the city where we live.  The worship service began but the noise of vendors and the latino music of the neighbors was glaring. The noise  seemed  so much louder than the 20 or so people sitting there singing to God.  Then we began a worship chorus and everyone knew the words and with their whole hearts our small crowd began singing about the greatness of God and the adequacy of His Son, Jesus to wipe away our sin and wrong choices.

At first I wanted to close my ears, I confess, between the noise of the streets and the off key singing.  Behind me a was a middle aged woman worn with care and the hardness of life but singing about her saviour with every once of her soul.  In front of me on the stage was a young person willingly attempting to lead the worship who somehow was singing in the wrong key with a microphone in front of her mouth for all of us to hear.  And then the Lord opened my eyes.  I was singing with the revelations crowd.  We were here among gangs and drunkards praising a God who loved and died for everyone of those lost and needy people outside the door.  For the rest of the worship I felt as if I had gotten a tiny glimpse of heaven, singing at the throne of God and praising Him.  When we get to heaven I don’t know if we will all sing in 5 part harmony with perfect pitch,but I do think we will all be singing in perfect sincerity of heart with harmony in our souls.

July 11, 2014

Living the Word in the world

Filed under: religious — by sentmom @ 12:51 pm

We traveled to a new part of our country to try to find a man of faith. We had been told that this man was doing the works of God in this place, but all we had was his first name. We traveled out on the usual bumpy roads through 5 or so hours of chaotic traffic where we were in a constant battle for road space with semi trucks full of pineapples and bananas or buses overloaded with passengers. When arrived at the river, we had to negociate for our hotel to spend the night, then negociate for the boat to ride to the remote town. Quickly our cash dwindled and we realized we had miscalculated what we needed to accomplish what we came to do. With a prayer we found an ATM in this remote place and were able to withdraw some more ready cash, draining our bank account bare.
On the boat we experienced another bumpy ride over waves and through a glorious rock wall rising on both sides of us. The sun was hiding behind clouds and the oppressive heat disappeared as the boat sped us across a bay and through an outlet to the Carribean Ocean.
As soon as the boat driver let us out of the boat we were on the dock trusting God to lead us to his man. And He never fails you. We asked the taxi driver and yes, he knew him and would take us to his house. We drove through the small tropical town quickly past the tourist area near the port. Soon we were passing small wooden houses on stilts with laundry hanging in the sun to dry and thin barking dogs in the yards. The pavement deserted us but our taxi driver kept going over rough rutted roads. Finally he stopped and said we had to walk from here. All the while we hadn’t noticed that his nephew was riding in the trunk along with us. We walked up a muddy path to another house where a group of men sat around a hammock and seemed to be enjoying their lunch break. They didn’t look threatening but Jerry and our new friend the taxi driver approached. It seemed they were family members and the pastor was away but his wife was here at a school in the town.
Back into the taxi we went, and down the muddy paths until we reached another remote spot. All the while my husband began sharing with the young taxi driver about what it meant to truly give his life to God. The young mas listened and told my husband that he liked to hear these words but he was not right with God. Finally we drove up a steep road to another small community. Here we walked down a dirt track a few hundred yards to a large metal gate. When we got there we were warmly greeted by the pastors wife. She told us that yes he was traveling but would be glad to meet with us another date when we would return. We got his phone number and then she showed us the school where they were teaching children and sharing the good news about Jesus love. And then she told us that yes she knew our taxi driver well and that they had been talking with him about his spiritual life for a long time.
Finally the taxi driver let us out at a restaurant where we could eat affordably and we said a cordial goodbye. We ate and caught our boat back to where we would spend the night on the mainland. The heat was oppressive still and boat ride refreshing once again.
As I tried to reflect on what we had done, the trip, the boat ride, the time in the taxi, the reunion with the pastor’s wife, I thought- did we do Your will God? Wasn’t that a lot of traveling and money to meet a person who wasn’t even there?
All of our personal resources had been spent and now our bank account was close to zero and for what- to meet a person who might need encouragement and help from our ministry? Was it worth it?
And I remembered the taxi driver telling my husband how he liked to hear these words and the pastors wife so encouraged by our visit and not at all surprised that four gringos would turn up at her house. I thought of how God had led us straight to the taxi driver, who was searching for God but just not ready and also knew the pastor and his family. And I thought of a song I had been listening to by a group called Rend Collective

I have counted up the cost, yes, I have counted up the cost, and You are worth it.

God does not work or think like we do, He counts obedience and faith as important. Every soul no matter how remote or difficult to reach is worth the cost. Every person needs to know that there is a God that can save them and bless them here and in eternity. Yes it is worth whatever it costs.

June 30, 2014

Filed under: religious — by sentmom @ 1:49 pm

After spending nearly 10 months in the USA, I felt the reluctance to return to our field of service.  I didn’t want to leave our aging parents or my family that had somehow rediscovered me.  I didn’t want to stop my studies, I just wanted to finish now.  I hated that my son would not play football again in the fall.  There were so many things I was longing for that just wouldn’t happen once we were back serving overseas.  So for two weeks I have struggled with my emotions and my desire to be here.  Yes I loved seeing my friends and collegues, yes I loved my house and my things, and yes it is a beautiful place to serve…..BUT.  Here I was not all here and not all there, a shadow person doing the motions of ministry.  And then yesterday we decided to go to a church that ministers in the city center in the area where people make their living sorting garbage and refuse for food and recyclable items.  I sat next to a lady who might have been about my age but her hard life showed in her face.  She was dressed as one of the indigenous ladies in her traje, with a worn wrinkled face and shoulders worn down with care.  But when the pastor asked us to open our Bibles she had hers in her hand.  But she couldn’t find the passage and she was not able to read the words, but as I helped her and read them out loud she began to cry.  It was Luke 8:26-31 about the demoniac that Jesus delivered and then told to share with everyone what God had done for him.

She began to cry as we read the scripture together.  I could see her lips repeating what I read as if it were some precious saying she was trying to commit to memory.

She told me her eyes were bad and she couldn’t read her Bible well.  I am not sure she could read at all to tell the truth.  She told me that every time she heard God’s word her heart burned inside of her with joy.  She longed to know more about it.  This is her story.  Her son died of a drug overdose last year.  The people in the church were there for her, helping her and sharing with her about God’s love.  She surrendered her heart to God and had been baptized 8 months ago.  Now she loves God with all her being and tries hard to learn and walk with him.

After church I took her name and told her I would pray for her everyday this week.  She began to cry again and tell me about her other children and how they needed God too.

This morning I got up to spend time with God and of course I prayed for her, but I also realized that she had done something wonderful for me.  Her simple faith had healed my heart and reminded me all over again about what I am called to do here in this land that is not my home.  I thanked the Lord that I was given a glimpse into her heart and her desire to honor and serve God in the midst of a hard and trying life.  I felt dwarfed by her faith.  Thank you Lord Jesus for using me in some small way to help your saints here in this country.

Amen

June 5, 2014

Courageous

Filed under: religious — by sentmom @ 2:31 pm

Being courageous involves so many things.  Its hard to explain to someone who has never lived in my megacity how brave I felt driving down 6 lanes of chaos today.  When I came home I thanked God for giving me the courage to go and not just stay in my safe home.  Or I think of how hard it was to go back to school when most people my age are thinking about retirement- I didn’t even begin to think it was courageous until I was attempting to work an online program and learn from you tube.  Then I realized that learning had changed and I was definitely from another generation.  Courage is trusting God when you are afraid, trusting God when your prayers aren’t answered, believing and acting even when you don’t see any change with your eyes or your heart.

February 20, 2014

Prayer

Filed under: religious — by sentmom @ 1:18 pm

It has been so long since I found myself writing here, and I am convinced that no one reads these posts, so I feel free to write the truth and be the truth. I read a convicting quote today
“The heart of true prayer is found in knowing and loving the Father, making our relationship with Him more important than any need we might have.” Rick Shepard in Praying God’s Way.
I have so many needs right now, it is hard to distinguish real from wants. I want to get to the point in my spiritual life where every need is an opportunity to know my God more. So here goes, real needs, real life, real trust. I am walking out on the high wire, trusting not just in the net but in the God who created my body and gave me the ability to live my balancing act. I am trusting not just in His mercy but His ability to lead me in every step, to every loss or victory. Because that is who God is and that is how He wants me to live.

January 12, 2012

selfishness and other vain things

I think it should not be a surprise that selfishness comes naturally to me. But for some reason I am taken aback at my own myoptic way of viewing life. Self pity just fits me like a second skin sometimes. I woke up at 4 am today and realized how ungrateful I had been to some wonderful people and what a difficult prickly person I had been to others. The very thing I am whining about in my spirit is what I have been doing to others. My point of conviction- rereading 1 Corinthian 13 and realizing that I had not been patient or kind. I cried out to God but only for myself and my concerns without even thinking of the burdends those around me are carrying. I live surrounded by poverty and need’ and worry that my washing machine is broken or that my house isn’t as big as I want. I am supposed to be God’s ambassador and all I can think about is how to get more out of this person than they are willing to give. No wonder I am wallowing in my own selfish misery. All around me are people caring and giving and all I can see is what isn’t happening or what I don’t have. If that is not a great definition of selfishness than I don’t know what is.
My saving verse- Romans 8:6 For the mind set on the flesh is death but the mind set on hte Spirit is life and peace.
There is an answer and I praise God that He has given it to me. Now I have to go and ask a lot of people forgiveness for my sick attitudes and actions. I am setting my mind on the Spirit by God’s grace

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